you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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