I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
