I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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