Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
