rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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