Banned from zoo.
Again?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
