I love black thongs
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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