Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
