new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
