I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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