It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
