Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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