Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
