Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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