i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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