I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
