Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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