do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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