you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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