I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
