I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
