well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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