you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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