i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
