His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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