Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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