Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
