Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
