What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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