I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
