Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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