Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
