you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
