all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
