everyone is single if you try hard enough
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
