dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
