I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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