mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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