Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
