the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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