My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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