Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
