final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
