community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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