oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
