y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
