he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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