So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
