The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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