maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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