I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're like the curious george of whores
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
