Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
