His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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