If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
