She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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