never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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