I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pants are for mortals
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
