Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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