you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Less talking, more tequila
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
