you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
